Shattered Piece of Glass

God I am really trying to trust you

I know your timing is perfect

And that you know what’s best for me

I know that your plans are way better

Than any plans I could come up with

And I know you love me

But right now, I feel like a shattered piece of glass

That is barely holding it together...

I am struggling

I am hurt

I am sad

I am frustrated

I am scared

I am angry

I am desperate for some relief

I am desperate for some comfort

God, I desperately wish I could be HOME

But more and more that home

Is being stripped away from me,

Piece by piece and chunk by chunk

Until there will be nothing left there for me

I just don’t understand why

Maybe someday I’ll look back and understand

Maybe I’ll even thank you

But not right now, not today

Why would you so clearly and blatantly call me to a place

Have me fall in love with the people, places, and foods

Only to rip it all away from me so unexpectedly

Again, I know there is some reason for all of this

Some purpose, some lesson, something

But until then it just feels like

A lot of hurt

A lot of pain

A lot of sadness

I went where you called me

I did what you asked of me

So then why does it feel like

I’m being punished?

So here I sit, on my bed, wrapped in warm blankets

At 6:30 in the morning

Writing and wiping away my tears

Listening to worship music

Crying.

---

Now Playing:

- Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship

- Relentless by Hillsong UNITED

- Even If by MercyMe

- Love Like This by Lauren Daigle

- Surrounded (Fight My Battles) by UPPERROOM

- Way Maker by Sinach

- Beautiful Things by Gungor

- Instruments Of Mercy by Beautiful Eulogy

- It Is Well (Live) by Kristene Dimarco

**For updates on my cancer journey you can follow the CaringBridge page we have created to more easily share with loved ones: www.caringbridge.org/visit/noellekane