If I Would Have Known

If I would have known that I would not return to China

I would have hiked the mountains one more time

I would have walked along the ocean just once more

I would have explored those places I always meant to

I would have ordered all my favorite foods

I would have savored every bite

I would have held my cat a little longer

I would have hugged each of my students

I would have told them all how loved they are

I would have shed a tear or three or four

I would have gotten hotpot one last time with my awesome third grade team

I would have had friends over to our home for pizza and a movie

If I would have only known,

I would have at least said goodbye...

But, I didn't know.

And now my heart's just breaking

As I long for all these things again

But that door's no longer open.

**For updates on my cancer journey you can follow the CaringBridge page we have created to more easily share with loved ones: www.caringbridge.org/visit/noellekane