For I Know The Plans I Have For You

Today’s verse of the day was Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV), “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’”. Most days that verse sounds pretty good, but today one part of this verse stopped me for a moment, “and not to harm you.”

Today, right as I’m typing this to be exact, I am supposed to be in China at a fancy hotel witnessing my closest and dearest Chinese friend, Rose, walk down the aisle. Instead, I am sitting in bed, watching videos and looking at pictures that are being sent to me by one of her friends, crying. Tears of joy, tears of happiness, but also tears of deep sadness.

伤心

(shāng xīn)

my heart was hurt

“I hate this. I hate cancer. I hate not being at her wedding. I hate not being in China. I hate not teaching. I hate Covid. I hate all of this.” I typed to my best friend here in the States with tears streaming down my face. Again this verse says, “and not to harm you.” Well right now I feel harmed. I feel so wounded and hurt by missing out on this one event, not to mention all of the hurt that has accumulated over the past year.

This verse ends with “plans to give you hope and a future.” God, I’ve got to be honest, I don’t feel so hopeful right now. Plus if things continue on the same trajectory as last year my “future” isn’t looking so good either.. I’ve said it so many times this past year, God I trust you, I really do. But man this sucks... and I am REALLY looking forward to when life stops sucking so much!

新婚快乐！我爱你，朋友，和我想你！

(Xīnhūn kuàilè！Wǒ ài nǐ，péngyǒu，hé wǒ xiǎng nǐ!)

Happy wedding! I love you, friend, and I miss you!

**For updates on my cancer journey you can follow the CaringBridge page we have created to more easily share with loved ones: www.caringbridge.org/visit/noellekane