It Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way

I wasn't supposed to be in America for Christmas this year. I wasn't supposed to be sitting on the couch watching cheesy Christmas movies with my parents. I wasn't supposed to have a white Christmas. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

I was supposed to be in China, like normal, celebrating this festive season with my husband's family. In China. I was supposed to decorate my classroom and make Christmas crafts with my students. I was supposed to play so much Christmas music in the month of December that by the time it's the day before break they are begging me to play something else, anything else. I was supposed to be wrapping presents for my in-laws, fellow teacher friends, and maybe even a special new toy for my cat. I was supposed to be figuring out how to easily transport food and presents 30 minutes in a taxi to my in-law's apartment.

This is a small fraction of what was supposed to happen, but this is not at all what happened. It is really hard when things don't go as planned or how they were supposed to. But if things would have gone how they were "supposed" to.. well to be completely honest, I don't know if I'd be here typing this right now. It was truly a miracle being sent back to America when we did, getting stuck here, going to a doctor for some relatively minor problems and then discovering a 7cm tumor in my brain. I truly believe if I would have stayed in China I wouldn't have gone to a doctor for the minor little things I was dealing with and things would have been much worse for me.

Although this wasn't how I had things planned out, I am grateful to be here in America with my family and my husband. I am grateful that I can video chat with family on the other side of the world. I am grateful that His plans are always better than mine. Thank you God for knowing the plan for my life in its entirety and for being able to see the bigger picture when I can't.

But seriously God, if you could ease up on all the hard stuff I would be very grateful for that too.

Merry Christmas from the Kanes!

**For updates on my cancer journey you can follow the CaringBridge page we have created to more easily share with loved ones: www.caringbridge.org/visit/noellekane